To those who know me: If I ever display any one-upperish characteristics, don't be afraid to smack me, even in public, set me straight, please. I don't want to be labeled a one-upper."What's a one-upper?" you ask. Oh, we all know people like this. Maybe they're friends or family members, relatives you see once a year, co-workers. God forbid you're married to one. One uppers are people who, no matter what you say. No matter, what, they have a better, more impressive, more impactful story about the same topic. Example: I say "James and I are looking at buying a new car. Mine's on its last leg" A typical one-upper response: "Oh, I'm in the market for a new car too. I've visited all the dealerships in the area and gotten the 2008 consumer reports and have a subscription to Car and Driver and we've been privately consulting with Suze Orman on how to get the best deal. Blah blah blah.....Check out this video of the SNL character, Penelope. She's a hilarious one-upper.http://tallfreak.com/2007/04/06/penelope/Don't you love that? Are you ticking off names of people you know who fit that sterotype?My sister Pamela, who is seven years older than me is a one downer. I guess that's what you call her. I can make any random complaint about my life and she has it way worse.Me: "My house is dirty and needs cleaning."Pamela: "Oh, I've been so busy at work that I haven't cleaned in weeks. There was a condemned sign on the door when I got home yesterday. I'm sure my house is much messier because you don't work and have all the time in the world to clean and me, well, as you know I work 60 hours a week and never get a break and never see my kids and have no life and how dare you say your house is dirty, because it's sparkling compared to mine."Pamela: So, where's your family going on vacation this summer?Me: We might go to Disneyworld or back to California to see James' family.Pamela: It must be nice getting to go on vacation and spend time with your kids like that. I have to work 70 hours a week and the kids are in daycare all week. You're so lucky to get to have such a leisurely life. I'm sure I won't get time off again this year.(mind you, we were on the beach at Tybee when this conversation took place.)Me: Why did you ask?Me: I think Andrew must've gotten that stomach bug that's going around. He was nauseous last night.Pamela: Well, Tom threw up all morning, even as he was going up the steps of the school bus he threw up on the driver. I guess you would've kept Andrew home if that'd happened to him, but you know I work 80 hours a week and don't have that luxury.Me: I hope it'll just be a 24-hour thing and he'll feel better tomorrow.Pamela: He probably won't. It always lasts at least 48 hours in our family. Sometimes 60, even 72.Me: You sure are good at multiplying by 12.Pamela: Not really. In fact I'm horrible at it. I was voted least likely to remember multiples in high school.Me: Sheeeesh!!!!!!!!!Okay, that's my rant for today. If you know anyone with tendencies to one-up or one-down. Gently correct this behavior. It'll do all of humanity a big favor.
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